Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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