is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
