help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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