I heard we made out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize