Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
