I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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