i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
