He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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