I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
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Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize