He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
