i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
