it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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