I think im going to throw up on grandma
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
