I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize