hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
did you just send me my own nude
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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