i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I party with great urgency now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
