So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
