Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
