he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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