she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
