She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
