I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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