i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
