I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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