This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
