my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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