I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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