a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize