OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
