Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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