Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
