Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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