nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
