I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
