my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
