Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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