He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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