I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
