my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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