I hate all girls vehemently.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize