NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
