she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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