Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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