Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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