Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.