my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit