Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.