Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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