New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.