'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!