So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
