Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize