i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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