Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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