Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
