I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
