We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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