She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
