the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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