i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
