i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
