i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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