Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize