I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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