She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
