Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
home. puking in laundry basket.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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