My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
