I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we're making bets on your personal life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
